PART I

I met my life companion Sandra via America Online in September 2001. I had been online for about a month after a four-year hiatus when I received an electronic message from her. In summary, the message stated that she’d seen me in a chat room and my screen name captured her attention, leading her to read my profile. She was intrigued by it because it was unique and was not sexually explicit. However, she decided to refrain from sending me an instant message for fear of appearing to be desperate.

I thanked her for the compliment and requested that she add me to her buddy list and I’d do the same. Two days later, we chatted online. After a few conversations over the Internet, she asked if she could call me. I was taken aback by the question, so I asked her what was it about me that made her want to talk to me over the telephone. Her response was: “I like your talk”.
A short time later, she coaxed me into letting her call. I figured we’d talk for twenty minutes or so, but to my surprise we conversed for over an hour! During that initial conversation, we discovered we shared many of the same interests and hobbies, but lived in different states. After numerous long-distance telephone conversations, she came to Indiana for our first face-to-face meeting on November 2, 2001. Since then, we have visited each other at least twice a month. She will be moving to Indiana later this year so we can begin our new life together.

We are both astounded and elated that we found our soul mate online. We fondly refer to our Internet meeting as “Love @ first e-mail”.

PART II

Sandra (a.k.a. Snoop) broke my heart last summer by not following through with our plans, by not moving to Indiana as we had discussed for months. After all those innumerable and costly phone calls to each other and trips to be together, she never came through. It was one excuse after another: “My dad got sick”, “my god son is in the hospital”, “my mother wanted me to talk to my uncle”, etc. It was so much to bear and I didn’t want to entertain the thought that she was lying to me about all those things. I said to myself: “Now surely, Snoop wouldn’t stoop so low as to tell me that her dad was sick if he really wasn’t… or would she?”
And to top it all off, I had already informed my family of my relationship with Snoop and our plans to be together, thus revealing for the first time in more than three years that I was in love with a woman, a full-fledged lesbian. I knew my family would not be pleased to learn about my sexual orientation because they believe it to be a sin, an abomination against God, and ultimately, just WRONG and the fact that I have a teen-age daughter didn’t help matters much.'

Snoop kept insisting that she still had plans to move so we could be together. So, in September of last year, we devised a plan. We decided that I would take the bus to her hometown in Georgia so that I could ride back with her to Indiana. While in Georgia, we had a marvelous time together, but there was that small, annoying voice in my head telling me that she was not going to do it. Also, there were a few signs that I tried very hard to ignore that confirmed what that little voice in my head was saying to me.

The morning we were to leave, we drove a short distance to a restaurant for breakfast and after that, we got in the car to hit the road and it would not start for some unbeknownst reason. From that point, everything went down hill. Snoop became upset, stating, among other things, that her mother was going to disown her if she left. So, here I was, three states away from home, not sure how I was going to get home, very angry and frustrated with everything that had transpired, and even more enraged with Snoop because I felt that she purposely got me all the way in Georgia, lead me to believe that she was truly prepared to be with me, when in actuality, she was not. But, more than anything, I was deeply crushed. It felt as though someone had taken a sharp knife and plunged it into my heart.

In the days prior to my departure from Indiana, I had prepared for her expectant arrival. I meticulously followed through with everything I said I was going to do and I get all the way in Georgia only to get my heart broken. Not once did I think that she would’ve hurt me like she did after all the things we had shared and did. All the plans we made, how happy and grateful we both said we were to have found our soul mate via the Internet. How could the one person who claimed to love me so deeply, turn around and hurt me?'

Over the next few months, she called me at home, at work, even went as far as to unexpectedly send a beautiful bouquet of red roses to my workplace, but I wouldn’t have anything to do with her. I was in the midst of trying to mend my broken heart, balance single parenthood, work, and college. I didn’t need any added stress in my life. I felt that if she truly loved me like she said she did, she would’ve done anything necessary to be with me. As the saying goes, in order for you to be with the one you love, sometimes means forsaking ALL others. I did that for her because my love was that strong, but I didn’t get the same in return.
I’m not saying that she needed to forget or neglect her family. The question to me was: “Will she ever start to live her life for herself, or would she continue indefinitely to live her life by her parents’ standards?” I have always been a true believer in people living their lives, as they see fit, not how someone else feels they should live it. Besides, we only get one chance in this life; therefore we might as well make ourselves happy and have a joyous time living by our own terms, fulfilling our dreams.

Part III

Several months went by and each day it got somewhat easier. Even still, there wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t think about Snoop. I still felt that we were soul mates and it weighed heavily on my mind and I just couldn’t shake it. After mulling it over and discussing it with a close friend, I decided that I wanted to see her again. She came to Indiana on Valentine’s Day this year. As always, we had a fantastic time! We had long, intimate discussions about the past. She apologized numerous times and confided that her love for me never disappeared and she desired to be a part of my life, if I would have her.
Being in her presence, in her strong, yet delicate embrace, my emotions came gushing, so much so that it was difficult to control myself.

I did some soul searching for a while and decided that our love was worth one more try. She was overjoyed with the news and has since seized every opportunity to show, not just tell me that she is in love with me and wants to be with me forever.

We are now making plans for a bright and prosperous future and I for one am more than ready to make it happen this time around.