Posted by Black Pride on August 26, 2000 at 19:17:52:
i must first say lesbian life here at fisk university is lonely...i'm the only one...not hiding in a closet at least...some say that, "she picked the wrong place to come out" or "she has demons in her"...i hear these words whispered...sometimes said out loud everyday...and i ask myself, "should i stuff who i am away in the closet, because i'm simply trying to get an education at a university that happens to be located in the bible belt?"...it seems that the students on fisk's campus are more preoccuppied with my sexuality, rather than making dean's list or a useful contribution to possibly a community service organization...instead they contribute only their 2 sense about why i wear my hair the way i do, why i don't like men...and even better, "why does she always wear that rainbow button, what does that mean?" they whisper.
since i became more open about my sexuality...i have lost socilization from many who i thought would be friends until the senior citizen years...no more going to the movies or mall, being silly in the hallway till 2am or them wanting me to recite my poetry while we sat on the front steps of our dorm...i do all of the above alone now...just me and my tennis shoes walking here and walking there (they had cars, i didn't)...and at times i'll admitt...its hurts...so rather then using tears or pouting to cope...i burn mint oil, candles and meditate...evoking the spirit that keeps me from collapsing at this supposed institute of "higher education"...seemingly littered with ignorance and a close mindedness about the truly non-issue of homosexuality...i don't know if they're scared of me...want to be just like me and know what its like...frankly i don't care...i'm happy with who i am and the things i contribute both the black community and gay/lesbian community...at 19 years old i have started nashville's first and only lesbian spoken word series, "mothertongue" that will kick off during nashville pride week on sept 14, organized a campaign for political prisoner mumia abu-jamal at the black colleges in nashville, co-edited the school's literary magazine, put on several open mics here at school and i hold a 3.5 GPA....these are things i think about when i feel like collapsing...thanks for reading